Unhappy Pants

It may not matter to you, but it matters to me.  When the respect is gone, how do you muddle though?

I know there’s a lot of parents out there who have this bugbear about clothes sharing with an ex for weekend visits.  You get to the point that you resent sending away brand new clothes because there’s a chance they never come back.  School things required for the following week end up sitting in someone else’s house.  It’s very frustrating. Often it’s the mum tearing her hair out wondering why they just can’t return things.

I was glad when my ex complained about not liking the clothes I sent with my daughter.  I don’t like packing, so when he said the clothes I bought her were disgusting I said, buy your own then.  That was about 2 or 3 years ago. I’d like to say I never looked back, but it’s hard to manage.  She’s always going to be wearing underwear and socks from my house, or the occasional school uniform.  

Yet again, I have damaged clothes returned, but I know if I brought this up with my ex I would get a height of abuse.  It’s not a big deal, they were put in the dark wash by mistake, why can’t you just use some vanish stain remover.  

I think, NO, why can’t you use some vanish stain remover when you realise the mistake, or better still, sort your colours before washing! I’m not sure what the truth is anymore.  Is it lack of respect or do they just not see it?

Maybe I’m fussy or maybe I’m normal with my laundry care.  Maybe I have this idyllic view that scruffy tatty clothes are for the bin and that you wash colours separate to avoid ruining clothes, clothes are expensive.  Stain removers are expensive, and should be used only when necessary.  Sometimes they work, sometimes you can’t reverse what happened.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could reverse what happened.  The trick is to try and think before you do something, what are the consequences.  Yes it’s only laundry, but what other things in your life do you treat like laundry? 

There’s a saying I loath.  It all comes out in the wash, it’s the biggest crock of shite I’ve ever heard!  It doesn’t.

Suggested solution to reverse the disrespect

Next time, perhaps you could send a message to the other person at the time of the event and say.  I’ve made a mistake with the laundry and ‘X’ item is ruined, sorry.  What would you like me to do? I could replace the item with the same or next size up? Replace with something else, what does child need instead. Do you want the money to replace it yourself.  You may be suprised to hear, don’t worry it was just a cheap t-shirt. Try your best to work things out if you've made the mistake.

Whatever is agreed, stick to it and follow through. No excuses! Make it a priority to rectify the situation before you return the child. 

Do people really feel good in scabby knickers? Maybe I should mention it again that there's no need to wash the clothes, just give them back to me.

Your thoughts....

Christmas

I’m finding that more and more people are following the trend of giving money to charity in lieu of sending Christmas cards.  Even Daisy’s school has changed their views on exchanging cards.  I used to love getting cards from my friends at school. It was really exciting posting cards into the red school post box. Then waiting eagerly for your card delivery; it was fun.  I personally love designing and sending my cards, which gives me that same feeling I did as a child.  

Since Daisy arrived I started making photo cards, which seems to be another American tradition that has crossed the pond.  The first year my photo cards weren’t so great, I thought they were good at the time, but knew there was room for improvement.  The year I felt I nailed it was 2013.  It was a cold morning down at the local beach.  Dog walkers kept getting in the way and making the steps all wet with paw prints, but we got there in the end.

I’ve already posted out our family cards for this year and it’s surprisingly really easy to do!  I use a company called SNAPFISH and mostly use the lay flat design.  On the run up to the festive period you can find lots of discount codes available online, so you can get a really good deal.  When I started making photo cards I would aim to take my photos in November.  However, over the years with the unpredictable Scottish weather I soon realised I should actually take these photos in the October school holidays to avoid getting stressed over lack of time and crappy weather.  It’s hard to fit photo shoots in with Daisy’s busy schedule.  I don’t even have all weekends these days as she goes to stay with her dad.  I felt stuck this year and was worried I wouldn’t get my photos and it’s become a bit of a family tradition, so I want to keep it going.  Daisy features on the front of the card which is a good idea because it lets people keep up to date with how she's growing, not everyone sees her regularly.   

This year I wanted cute outdoor shots like previous years.  I shopped for an outfit, a fawn leopard print coat from Monsoon with woollen poncho and skinny jeans, but the weather was not on my side and I found I was constantly washing and scrubbing her skinny jeans. I decided I needed to prepare a studio set up with an alternative outfit as a back up in case I couldn’t get outside.  I had been hoping to get photos of Daisy and I together like I did last year with Sarah Ferry since I never seem to be in any photos with Daisy.  This year I had the perfect photography prop at my disposal; my 1974 Bay Window camper van called Gaston.  Luckily Sarah had some space in her diary and agreed to take the photos I had been thinking about.  With two possible lots of images for our family card I had to decide what one to go with.  Daisy decided she wanted my indoor shots and I really liked Sarah’s ones, so we compromised and printed some of both. 

Daisy also made a snowman card at school from a drawing.  You can see it at the top of the page.  The school use a company to turn the drawings into cards, dishtowels, mugs and gift tags etc.  The money raised though the sale of the items goes towards school funds.  

Lots of people love cards, just yesterday I saw an old lady at the checkout in the local supermarket.  She joked that she must have left over cards in the house for every year she's bought them, this was as she was picking up another pack.  She said she loves sending and receiving cards, hear that people, she loves it. People still love getting Christmas cards from family and friends.  For some elderly people, they may even look forward to it. 

Here's some of our past and present photo cards to look at.

© Sarah Ferry Photography

Twit twoo it's Miss Campbell

The lovely Miss Campbell came to my rescue when I put out a casting call for models to fulfil my college portraiture brief.  This time I needed to do a studio shoot and cross process an image.  So, the triptych set is examples of cross processing, with varying degrees using Photoshop.  In the old days of film photography, cross processing was a deliberate effect and you did it by processing the film in a chemical solution intended for a different type of film. The effect was most likely discovered by mistake in the days of mixing up C-22 and E-4 developer.

We started our morning fairly early sending children off to Aunties and Grannies and then the travelling was next!  We finally got ourselves together around lunchtime and headed into town for a spot of lunch.  I had a bagette with Chicken and Avacado and my friend showed me up by having a tiny little chocolate cake.  She soon confessed that she had stuffed her face in McDonalds with the kids earlier in the morning.  I was instantly jealous and thought,  I just wish I could get up early enough to make a McDonalds breakfast!

We chatted for about an hour, putting the world to rights and moaning about men, the usual girly chit chat.  I was quite excited about doing the photographs because I knew that we could work out between us what needed done.  Miss Campbell has previous experience of Photography having sucessfully ran a business herself, so it was a fun day together where we could discuss what we could do.  

Like any other client excited to get their hands on the pictures, she was saying to me at the station that I had to send them to her as soon as I got home.  They all do it, want the pictures NOW.  I understand, I've been there.  I've said before that many photographers would rather stick needles in their eyes than put out un-edited photographs.  But when it's someone who knows photography etiquette there isnt a problem.  

I sent her the pick of un-edited files later that night so she could edit them herself.  Photography like many other arts is down to personal taste as well as technique.  Everyone has their own way of editing and producing different effects.  Some of the images you see have been edited by Miss C and some have been edited by me.

Birthday in Paris

We had a bit of a crazy year with the old birthday celebrations.  Most winters I’m ill and I’m not really in the mood for organising anything.  Then others I’m full of beans and over the top.  This year we had an actual party and we invited all of Daisy’s school class.  Lisa Lollipop joined us to entertain the children.  We tucked into Hot dogs, Popcorn, Slush Puppy and enough sweets to stock a small shop.  One of the mums brought the biggest homemade cheesecake I’ve ever seen and it was all gone by the end of the party.  Truly Scrumptious – cakes by Joanna made the most incredible Birthday cake.  It was so beautiful I didn’t want to cut it up, again it was gone by the end.  People were loading up with boxes of the delicious cake.   My friends and family were as usual, all hands on deck and the party was a roaring success.  I'd like to say thank you to everyone who made the party special and for all gifts Daisy received.  

That would have been enough for one little girl to take in, but as I mentioned, I’m a bit crazy over the top at times.  I thought it would be an idea to go to Disneyland Paris, the very next day!  I only thought about it two or three weeks before the party.  When you are sick, it's not practical to book something miles in advance.  You have to go when you feel well.  The adverts sucked me in and before I knew it, it was booked.  I’ve priced it up before and thought it was a bit expensive, but there seemed to be adverts after adverts all over the TV saying “book now and get this that and the other free”.  You know sometimes these deals are not as great as the make out, but I swear this one was good.  We were staying in a top-notch Disney Hotel, having three course meals everyday, drinks and cakes everyday and practically spent nothing because we had a complimentary voucher for most things.  I couldn't believe our luck.

Daisy loved meeting all the characters, Spiderman, Merida, Woody and Jessie, Mickey, Minnie, the Disney Princesses and of course, no Disney visit would be complete without meeting Anna and Elsa!  There were a few hairy moments at the start, namely a scary roller coaster in disguise.  I've never been so glad to get off a ride.  I swear we though it was a child's train ride, you know quite tame, but Jesus!  It was a super fast roller coaster and believe me I'm no thrill seeker.  We got into our seats, I casually rested my arm behind Daisy and within seconds it became apparent to me that arm was going to move to pin Daisy in like a seat belt.  We saw the funny side of it, while mum and I were telepathically saying all our swear words.  Daisy was shouting at the top of her voice "this is fun", she had the best time. It was a very tiring holiday for the adults however. 

So if you ever forget where you were for your 5^th Birthday Daisy  Well, you woke up in a Disney hotel in Paris and had breakfast with Mickey Mouse.  Then we took the train into the centre of Paris and went up the Eiffel Tower.  I even managed to take the photo I would use on our family Christmas card.  Looking forward to our next adventure, whatever it may be.

My Love My Life 10/12 - Conquer Fear

© Ian Pettigrew

College have been speaking about the importance of personal projects recently.  Personal projects can turn out to be your best and most fulfilling work, because for whatever reason, you have specifically chosen to do it.  I recently stumbled upon a Canadian photographer, later found out he's half Scottish!  Well, he is currently working his way through a personal project called Just Breathe, where he's photographing adults who are living with Cystic Fibrosis (CF).  

Media coverage surrounding CF is sparse.  Since the birth of social media, I'm connected to a lot of people who have CF.  There's always somebody who knows a person who has died recently.  It can get really upsetting reading things like that.  It's not high profile like Cancer, but it's equally devastating.  It will kill you; it just drags the process out a bit.  Adults living with CF can often feel like it's a battle to stay alive, that's why they are often referred to as Warriors within the CF community.  Treatment regimes are physically and mentally demanding for patients.  Like many other long term chronic conditions, it may not be widely understood that family members can also endure years of emotional trauma as a direct result of caring for and/or living with the sick person.  
After being diagnosed later in life himself, Ian wanted to spread the message that this is no longer a children's disease and the best way to do that as a Photographer, is by taking pictures.  Lots of pictures! 

Ian started his career in advertising and got the photography bug by working alongside photographers for many years.  He used to think photographers had a glamorous life.  He admits he was wrong.  Just like I used to think the ladies behind the make-up counters in department stores were glamorous, before I did my school work experience.  Someone once asked him why he would want to be in a job that made him poor, but money isn't everything.  

As well as Ian's standard portrait head shots for his Just Breathe Project,  I found another one called Salty Girls - The Women of Cystic Fibrosis  Here he photographs CF women.  But, what does the name mean?  Well, the salt in CF patients bodies travel differently through the tissues to that of non-CF people.  Patients secrete higher volumes of salt through their sweat.  There was an old saying around the 1700s which went like this, "woe is the child who tastes salty from a kiss on the brow, for he is cursed and soon must die".  They used to believe CF children were bewitched. In this project Ian captures how CF can ravage your physical appearance.  I'm well aware of how the effects of CF have changed my appearance and body image.  I've always been a little self conscious.  It's healthier for me to weigh more, but society wants you to be thin.  I think it's very brave of the ladies to expose themselves like this.  It takes real courage, which I'm sure they have truck loads of.  

Ian wants his images made into a photobook.  If he can get enough financial support or even better a sponsor, he could make this a reality sooner.  If you are in a position to be a sponsor of this book, great.  If not, well you could always join the organ donor register in your county instead.  I'll leave you with some of Ian's images and one of me, which is my contribution to Salty Girls - The Women of Cystic Fibrosis.  Photo credit to the lovely Nicola Grimshaw and her team at My Boudoir - Make-Over Boudoir Photography.

© Ian Pettigrew

© Ian Pettigrew

                                                           © Nicola Grimshaw

Urban Photoshoot - Portraiture Brief

In my blog post Mr Gray I told you all about hanging up my darkroom hat for a bit as I wanted to focus, (excuse the pun) more on other aspects of Photography. I applied for a more general photography course a few months earlier.  Putting myself though an interview and selection process was nerve-racking but I was successful in getting a place.  Friends warned it wasn't going to be what I expected it to be, but I thought I'll give it a go anyway.  What's the worst that can happen.  If I don't like it I can walk away.

I'm still trying to get to grips with what's expected.  The workload is challenging.  There's a list of things we need to do and completion dates for final submissions.  There have been a few moans and groans about teachers not actually teaching us anything.  I've recently come to the realisation that this is because college is for adults and adults have to figure things out for themselves.  They call it self-directed study.  When you look back at school, the teacher is pretty much holding your hand to get you through the learning process.  It's their job to teach you a particular subject.  So if you are just out of school, college can seem a harsh reality of the education system you are used to.  I'm not saying I completely agree with it, but this is how it is.

I'd say we're generally shown how to do something once or twice, and then you practise.  If like me you are a bit slow in picking things up, then it's going to be a struggle.  I was the same at school; the only difference now is I'm not scared to ask questions.

I was used to planning shoots for Daisy but they were usually all in my head.  It's out of my comfort zone trying to plan everything but I'll get there. I'm working on a few power point presentations at the moment and have just finished my second photo shoot today.  It doesn't actually take much time to turn up and take the photos.  The hardest part is planning what you want to do and pulling all the elements together.  

I put the war cry out on Facebook a few weeks ago to see if anyone fancied modelling for me.  I needed someone older than Daisy who would be happy to take some direction.  I have to do five Portrait shoots for this brief.  I have to show all my planning in a workbook, poses, lighting examples, styling choices.  I have to include research on photographs I have studied which brought me to my shoot idea.  Out of the shoot, I have to show my tutor around 20 different photographs and narrow my choice down to 15 possible final images.  Out of that 15, I choose 2 to edit further and give my reasons for picking that 2 and disregarding the remaining 13.

We got off to a shaky start as the location that was originally planned fell through, due to a lack of in-house communication.  You always need to have a back up plan, so we got in the car went to location spot B.  I think I'm happier with what I got and straight away a photographer friend said she wanted me to take photos of her in the same spot.  We had a really good time, model Sophie brought along her mum and little sister Sadie.  We almost needed to hold Sadie down as she was very excitable at the prospect of modelling like her big sister.  So, we all stepped aside and let Sadie show us how its done.

The photo on the right is the only one here that has been edited.  The rest of the photos are what photographers refer to as SOOC, which stands for straight out of camera.

Brighton Baby - The Hen Weekend

Our family had two weddings this year and like most weddings these days the bride and groom go away for weekends, usually with friends and/or family instead of just going out for the night.  There were lots of talks about where we might go and one day it was decided we were going to Brighton.  I was very pleased as Brighton is a place I've always wanted to go but had no reason to.

We travelled down to London Gatwick with easyjet at the end of June.  Once we landed it was a short distance on the Gatwick express to the train station that would take us through to Brighton.  It’s a really easy place to get to and as we travelled with cabin bags, there was no waiting about in the airport at baggage carousels.  Arriving around lunchtime, we headed straight to the beach and into a café overlooking the sea.  The sun was shining, the sea breeze on your face, the location, the atmosphere; friends travelled from afar to celebrate.  I decided quite quickly that I would like to take Daisy one day.  


We ordered food, drinks and relaxed while chatting to one another.  It was so warm you could easily have worn a bikini and jumped into the water.  Some of the ladies were optimistic in that they packed shorts, the rest of us cursed that we should have.  I guess you get used to the Scottish climate where summer is literally days in the year rather than weeks.  With Team Gauld being a super organised bunch, our food shopping was being delivered to our rented house while we were sat there at the beach.  


Back at the house we cracked open the Prosecco and toasted the bride to be on her upcoming nuptials.  The house was then decorated with pictures of our Hen.  It's amazing the comedy gold your life long friends hold in the form of photographic evidence.

The next morning breakfast was cooked, we got on our glad rags and did our own thing before heading to the pier around lunchtime.  The plan was to have a fun and stress free weekend without the stereotypical hen activities in sight, well not in public anyway.  Eating marshmallows will never be the same again.

The Brighton Pier is a great place.  The rides are pretty scary, being right on the edge of the pier.  I went on the helter skelter and almost wished I never.  The pier had a Harry Ramsdens, ice-cream parlours, take away style counters selling noodles. I honestly could have stayed the entire week!  I know there's much more to see and do in Brighton and I was sad to leave.

On the Saturday night the girls organised a fabulous meal.  As you could imagine we could hardly contain our excitement when we found out that the brides boss had located us in Brighton and pre-ordered some bubbly for everyone!  How amazing is that!  What a cool boss.  The celebrations continued into the early hours and as you can imagine it was carnage in the morning.  Luckily myself and the brides sister, the non-drinkers, made breakfast.  

This was such a memorable weekend and I’d like to say a big thanks to all involved in the planning. 

Nursery Graduation

It’s the end of an era.  Nursery is finished and school is on the horizon.  I’m not sure how much Daisy understands about school and how it will be different to nursery.  She knows her teachers name and that she will be having lunch in the “school café”.

We had two nursery graduations with Daisy going to both school and a privately funded nursery.  All the friends she met in school nursery will form part of her Primary one class.  However the children at private nursery, well she’ll most likely never see them again.  That made me a little sad. 

Daisy had a similar start to my own childhood.  We moved house right at the time I was going to nursery.  Mum couldn’t get me into the catchment school nursery where our new house was so I continued at my old nursery before joining my school class in primary one.  I have vague memories of a little blonde haired boy who I was friendly with, I think his name was Paul.  I recall a photograph of my nursery class but sadly it seems to have gone missing.  When I saw it last I didn’t see Paul in the photo.  Who knows what happened.  Maybe he was off that day.  Maybe it's so long ago I didn't remember things correctly.

Thirty years later I found myself in a similar situation where Daisy had two sets of friends and had struck up a good friendship with a little boy in her privately run nursery.  I imagined when nursery was over Daisy asking me to invite Ewan to her birthday parties and me not knowing where he lived.  She often asks if he can come over to our house to visit.  Sometimes the best friendships start when you are really young.  Could I risk Daisy not seeing him ever again, absolutely not!  

Imagine everyday your child and another child are in nursery together, that they played with each other the entire time.  Dressing up in costumes.  Running around holding hands.  Spotting each other at the swimming baths on days off and being so excited to see each other.  One child, waiting at the door for the other to arrive on their allotted day.  This was the story that was relayed to my mum or I by the staff every week.  Later, I found out the same stories were being relayed to his parents.  Daisy and Ewan are best of friends.  Daisy often tells me she is going to marry Ewan and I know Ewan talks about Daisy a lot.  Now that is a friendship worth nurturing.     
   

Ewan’s mum and I made contact with each other for the first time recently and we introduced ourselves at the graduation ceremony.  We talked about meeting up over the school holidays and shortly after we organised a lovely day out at a local play barn.  We laughed exchanging stories about the things nursery had reported back to us over the past few years.  Some of the things would make you laugh so hard you couldn’t breathe.  We drank slush puppy, we shared slush puppy when someone drank all hers!  Ewan’s sister Ellie kept a tight reign on the jelly tots sweets, only handing one over to her mother.  Exactly the sort of thing Daisy would do to me.  On the way out Daisy gave Ewan a big kiss goodbye and we all laughed at how funny they are together.  I’m glad this story has a happy ending because now we know Ewan lives close by and we can stay in touch.  So it’s not goodbye, not this time, it’s until the next time.  See you soon Ewan. x
   

                      

My Love My Life 7/12 - Water

Last month I was away to Brighton for the weekend, four days later I was jet setting again with Daisy.  I just had so much on my plate I couldn't think about blogging.  I wasn't even sure I was going to be ready for this month but our recent heat wave has made it possible to grab some photos in amongst the school holiday madness.

We went to a swimming pool that I haven't been to since I was a child.  Stonehaven Open Air Pool.  I must say my childhood memories were somewhat different to how it is now.  I recall the last time I was there.  It was a cold day, the pool was freezing and I have vague memories of shivering and being generally miserable.  When my mum mentioned it was open for the summer; I felt a wave of dread.  I also found myself snorting at the thought of Daisy having to suffer just like I did.  It's a right of passage and what every other child in the surrounding area has to endure as a youngster, I thought to myself. 

We arrived around lunchtime and Daisy soon found some friends to play with.  She even knew one of the kids from her nursery.  I swear she knows more people than me!  The children's pool gave her more independence to play on her own.  She was having a great time catching the water out of the Dolphin fountain.  She must have been in the pool for over an hour before being beckoned out for a hot dog that I bought her from the cafe.  You don't have to buy everything from the café. There are various options to consider.  I saw a few families with their own picnics.  The cafe has a service hatch at the poolside and a seated area near the entrance.  Serving burgers, hot dogs, chips, ice-cream, sandwiches and hot and cold drinks.  There's something for everyone.

The main pool is huge.  There's a water slide at the deep end, which Daisy was disappointed that she couldn't go on because she can't swim yet.  The swimming lessons are in progress so I'm sure it won't be long until the water wings are a distant memory.  They also have an inflatable assault course that spreads across the width of the pool for the kids to scramble across.  It looked like a whole bunch of fun.  Since I'm on IV antibiotics again, it gave me a chance to have a seat and soak up the atmosphere instead.

My thoughts on Stonehaven Open Air Pool now?  It was brilliant!  Lovely weather, couldn't complain.  Daisy was splashing about in the glorious sunshine just like our holiday last month.  It has certainly helped erase the old memories and created new ones.  If you are fairly local and haven't yet been you must, or if like me you have bad memories from childhood you need to revisit.  If you get the nice weather I promise you will not be disappointed.

Don't forget to pop over and read the blog from Karen of K Lou Photography.  Here she talks about childhood memories and shows you the best things in life are free.

My Love My Life 4/12 - Growing

Daisy often asks me when will she grow bigger.  I think it's a question a lot of parents just don't want to hear because we want to keep them just as they are.  Although, I do like choosing new outfits and shoes when the old ones no longer fit.  Daisy has started to take an interest in clothes lately.  She picked a pair of floral Dr Martin style boots she wanted and recently there's been talk of wanting Lelli Kelly shoes.  It's the first time I've known her to refer to a particular brand.  She really is growing up!

When the growing question comes up, I think back to when she was a baby.  Seems so long ago, I wish I could have those moments back just for a day.  I have a few regrets about back then.  When people came to visit, I found myself in the kitchen cooking, doing washing or loading the dishwasher.  I wish I didn't feel like that's what I was supposed to do.  I missed out on precious moments in time doing housework, things that didn't really matter.  So when she asks me that question I try to block out all those bad feelings.  Instead I smile and say, you know what, you have to eat your vegetables if you want to grow bigger.  Then my little darling looks back at me with those big blue sparkling eyes and a face that could turn milk sour and says, "I don't like vegetables, they're YUK".

The truth is, we grow each day, our children grow physically and mentally.  We grow as people, in our jobs and hobbies; all at our own unique pace.  Some people coast along never really doing anything interesting while others live life in the fast lane.  You don't have to settle for second best in life.  If your college or university course is not what you expected you can change it.  The same goes for your job, house, car or relationship.  You have the power to grow and change the course of your destiny.  No one will do it for you. But proceed with caution; sometimes it's us that need to change, to grow, to grow up even.

I'm hoping in the next few years to grow my hobby as a photographer.  When I look at the pictures I took a few years back, I cringe.  I don't think I'm where I want to be but I'm glad I'm not where I used to be. 

This month I'm linking to Sarah Ferry, who practically lives on my doorstep, well in the same town anyway.  Be sure to check out her blog about growing, which has some lovely pictures taken and edited by her daughter when they were on a Mum and Daughter photojolly.