Sarah

Last year I decided to get some photos of Daisy since I hadn't really done any after leaving college.  I thought it would also be a good opportunity to get a few of us together as we don't have any.  

I met Sarah online in the my love my life blogging circle I was part of a few years ago.  We would all write a blog about our children each month, usually covering a particular topic.  It was good to see how everyone interpreted it.  Then we linked our posts to each other so readers would see all the posts one after the other.   The stories were great and you got to admire the different styles of photography each person contributed.  I always thought Sarah's pictures were cool; such artistic shots of everyday life.  I was particularly interested in her black and white photography, something I felt I rarely got right. 

I booked a session in October last year and then started shopping for some clothes for the photos.  Trying to think what would look best in monochrome is tricky.  I wanted a classic look, so didn't go for any crazy patterns.  I was also worried that having a bit of photography experience if I showed up in something wrong she would be thinking, "what the hell".  Of course she wouldn't have because she's lovely.  Saying that, you have to put some thought in if you are going to invest in good portraiture. Classic looks are timeless. 

I later regretted booking a 10am slot as I set my alarm for 6am. You see I take ages to get ready.  I'm slow due to energy levels and I have medical treatments to do in the morning.  The studio is in Banchory so you've got to allow for driving there. PLUS, I have the slowest kid in the world who takes about 40 minutes to eat cereal! Seriously. 

The session was good.  I felt relaxed, Daisy played along for the most part.  When Sarah got her to make funny faces I thought oh my god, she's going do this for the whole session now.  Afterwards we had a nice lunch in Mains of Drum and like everyone else I wondered, when will I get the photos! 

I waited patiently for my gallery.  I didn't email asking when my photos were going to be ready, which is so not cool in Photography land.  There was definitely some anticipation brewing.  I wondered if I'd have a double chin or my dodgy eye would be obvious or if I'd look knackered since I was up so early.  And yes, I had all these things but I wasn't even bothered.  It’s difficult to describe that feeling when your gallery notification pings into your email.  It’s a bit like waking up on your birthday realising, it’s presents day! You make a dive for the desktop and get ready to do some happy claps…..or is that just me?

I looked over and over my gallery trying to narrow the images down.  I always wanted one or two more than was in every package. There was a different favourite each time I looked, a different one I imagined as a large wall print.  The only way forward for me was to purchase my whole gallery of images and I'm glad I did.  

So people, go get yourself some family photos.  Yes it can feel weird.  You worry what you'll look like, but your family won't see the insecurities that you do.  They'll see the people they love.

All images © Sarah Ferry Photography

My Love My Life 10/12 - Conquer Fear

© Ian Pettigrew

College have been speaking about the importance of personal projects recently.  Personal projects can turn out to be your best and most fulfilling work, because for whatever reason, you have specifically chosen to do it.  I recently stumbled upon a Canadian photographer, later found out he's half Scottish!  Well, he is currently working his way through a personal project called Just Breathe, where he's photographing adults who are living with Cystic Fibrosis (CF).  

Media coverage surrounding CF is sparse.  Since the birth of social media, I'm connected to a lot of people who have CF.  There's always somebody who knows a person who has died recently.  It can get really upsetting reading things like that.  It's not high profile like Cancer, but it's equally devastating.  It will kill you; it just drags the process out a bit.  Adults living with CF can often feel like it's a battle to stay alive, that's why they are often referred to as Warriors within the CF community.  Treatment regimes are physically and mentally demanding for patients.  Like many other long term chronic conditions, it may not be widely understood that family members can also endure years of emotional trauma as a direct result of caring for and/or living with the sick person.  
After being diagnosed later in life himself, Ian wanted to spread the message that this is no longer a children's disease and the best way to do that as a Photographer, is by taking pictures.  Lots of pictures! 

Ian started his career in advertising and got the photography bug by working alongside photographers for many years.  He used to think photographers had a glamorous life.  He admits he was wrong.  Just like I used to think the ladies behind the make-up counters in department stores were glamorous, before I did my school work experience.  Someone once asked him why he would want to be in a job that made him poor, but money isn't everything.  

As well as Ian's standard portrait head shots for his Just Breathe Project,  I found another one called Salty Girls - The Women of Cystic Fibrosis  Here he photographs CF women.  But, what does the name mean?  Well, the salt in CF patients bodies travel differently through the tissues to that of non-CF people.  Patients secrete higher volumes of salt through their sweat.  There was an old saying around the 1700s which went like this, "woe is the child who tastes salty from a kiss on the brow, for he is cursed and soon must die".  They used to believe CF children were bewitched. In this project Ian captures how CF can ravage your physical appearance.  I'm well aware of how the effects of CF have changed my appearance and body image.  I've always been a little self conscious.  It's healthier for me to weigh more, but society wants you to be thin.  I think it's very brave of the ladies to expose themselves like this.  It takes real courage, which I'm sure they have truck loads of.  

Ian wants his images made into a photobook.  If he can get enough financial support or even better a sponsor, he could make this a reality sooner.  If you are in a position to be a sponsor of this book, great.  If not, well you could always join the organ donor register in your county instead.  I'll leave you with some of Ian's images and one of me, which is my contribution to Salty Girls - The Women of Cystic Fibrosis.  Photo credit to the lovely Nicola Grimshaw and her team at My Boudoir - Make-Over Boudoir Photography.

© Ian Pettigrew

© Ian Pettigrew

                                                           © Nicola Grimshaw

My Love My Life 8/12 - Reflection

The topic Reflection when photography related, usually suggests pictures of subjects seen on reflective surfaces like windows or water.  I decided to be a bit out of the box this month and make mine reflection on a life event.  Daisy's first day at school.

It’s August 2014 and it feels like the last five years has been put on fast forward.  It's hard to get my head around the fact all this time has flown by.  We get caught up in the daily grind of life and it doesn’t leave much time for fun.  Now, we are here, at the school gate.  I seriously thought I would cry on her first day at school, but surprisingly I held it together.  She looked so grown up.  I think my biggest wobble was actually when I got the leaflet before summer telling me who her teacher was going to be.  It hit home then. I felt a little emotional buying her school uniform.  I know normal school shoes are usually black but I so love the traditional red patent shoes, she had to have a pair!  I kitted her out in a Cath Kidston bag, pencil case and stationary.  After all, this is a monumental time in our life together and the perfect time to indulge.

Three little friends from our street started school together and I couldn't be happier.  Although they are not all in the same class, they will see each other at playtime and lunchtime.  Daisy will be going to what we are calling the "school cafe", which to everyone else, is school dinners.  I really enjoyed that part of school since I was a traditional eater.  I wasn’t really interested in sandwiches, fruit and yoghurt, which is usually the kind of thing you would expect in a packed lunch.  Ok, I had the odd plea to my mum to have that but in most cases it was just curiosity on how the packed lunch kids spent their lunch hour.  We always want what we don’t have but the reality of getting it usually isn’t that great long-term.  For me, eating a hot school dinner with my fellow classmates was a social occasion and I'm hoping Daisy will appreciate that time to dine and chat with friends.  

School has been a positive experience so far.  We’ve had PE and homework.  We’ve managed to remember to put a snack in Daisy’s bag for break time.  We’ve even been to the school nurse when she fell and cut herself on her third day.  We are on our last week of half days and next week she is going to be in school all day.  I worry like everyone else with children starting school.  I worry if she will manage to fasten her shoes on her own as I still give help at home when she says “I can’t, it’s to difficult”, but she can do it.  I’m surprised she is able to carry her school bag, as it just looks so big compared to her body.  She doesn’t really chat much about what goes on in school during the day but make no mistake she doesn’t miss a trick.

I’ve met two really great girls since moving, who as well as being my neighbours they are also friends.  There’s never been any nervousness about the whole school event because our girls have played together in our almost cul-de-sac street for sometime.  I'm glad Daisy and I moved house and met new friends.  After all, nothing is scary when you share the experience with some great friends.

Please pop over to Sarah's blog on Reflection of her photography journey.  I love Sarah's photos, they always have a mystical feeling as well as creating the impression you were there.

My Love My Life 7/12 - Water

Last month I was away to Brighton for the weekend, four days later I was jet setting again with Daisy.  I just had so much on my plate I couldn't think about blogging.  I wasn't even sure I was going to be ready for this month but our recent heat wave has made it possible to grab some photos in amongst the school holiday madness.

We went to a swimming pool that I haven't been to since I was a child.  Stonehaven Open Air Pool.  I must say my childhood memories were somewhat different to how it is now.  I recall the last time I was there.  It was a cold day, the pool was freezing and I have vague memories of shivering and being generally miserable.  When my mum mentioned it was open for the summer; I felt a wave of dread.  I also found myself snorting at the thought of Daisy having to suffer just like I did.  It's a right of passage and what every other child in the surrounding area has to endure as a youngster, I thought to myself. 

We arrived around lunchtime and Daisy soon found some friends to play with.  She even knew one of the kids from her nursery.  I swear she knows more people than me!  The children's pool gave her more independence to play on her own.  She was having a great time catching the water out of the Dolphin fountain.  She must have been in the pool for over an hour before being beckoned out for a hot dog that I bought her from the cafe.  You don't have to buy everything from the café. There are various options to consider.  I saw a few families with their own picnics.  The cafe has a service hatch at the poolside and a seated area near the entrance.  Serving burgers, hot dogs, chips, ice-cream, sandwiches and hot and cold drinks.  There's something for everyone.

The main pool is huge.  There's a water slide at the deep end, which Daisy was disappointed that she couldn't go on because she can't swim yet.  The swimming lessons are in progress so I'm sure it won't be long until the water wings are a distant memory.  They also have an inflatable assault course that spreads across the width of the pool for the kids to scramble across.  It looked like a whole bunch of fun.  Since I'm on IV antibiotics again, it gave me a chance to have a seat and soak up the atmosphere instead.

My thoughts on Stonehaven Open Air Pool now?  It was brilliant!  Lovely weather, couldn't complain.  Daisy was splashing about in the glorious sunshine just like our holiday last month.  It has certainly helped erase the old memories and created new ones.  If you are fairly local and haven't yet been you must, or if like me you have bad memories from childhood you need to revisit.  If you get the nice weather I promise you will not be disappointed.

Don't forget to pop over and read the blog from Karen of K Lou Photography.  Here she talks about childhood memories and shows you the best things in life are free.

My Love My Life 5/12 - I want to Be

I want to be RICH!  How many of us say that.  There's probably hundreds of things I would like to be, but I guess the important ones usually fall into three categories.  Happiness, Health and Wealth

If you and your family had all three your life would be sorted right?  Lets talk about the least important one, money.  Now, some may think hey, wait a minute that’s the most important.  Reality check, if you are a sad Susan and your general health is not great, no amount of money is going to fix that. You may think it would, but deep down you are who you are.

Take a handful of lotto jackpot winners, do any of them still have most of their winnings. How many are still together with their spouse or partner.  How many have totally screwed up and made an arse of it.  Probably quite a few!  They say money doesn't bring you happiness, but what it does bring is choice.  Imagine being able to choose what you do everyday instead of having to get up and go to work.  If you want to have money, the thing you must actually master is good decision making because without that you will likely fail.  

I think you'll find that most people that do have lots of money are very ruthless. Probably the reason they have it in the first instance.  Money is a dangerous commodity; it can change people.  Some it may enhance their lives, other it will ruin theirs.

If you are a person, whose main focus in life is to be rich, you are an equally ruthless character.  Blinded by the pursuit of perceived wealth, they will do whatever they see necessary to get their hands on some cash.  Like, the duplicitous women that bait married men in the hope of getting a cut of the family fortune.  Yes it happens.  We read about it all the time and it’s not just a problem for the rich and famous.  For some, money and success is so important they dismiss the feelings of others.  They forget to be grateful for what they have.  

It would be nice to not have to think about money, but the reality is most people work for years hoping to get to that position.   Sadly, as you earn more, you want more and you'll never get to the point where you don't have to work.  It is easy to say money can't buy happiness.  For some people struggling financially it can seem like that is the missing part of the jigsaw.  I get that.  I think most people believe it’s the answer to their problems.  Most people want to be rich.  Guess what, it's not going happen.  Sorry to be blunt.  

If you take one thing from this blog post it should be this.  Be thankful for the air that you breathe because you know what, some people struggle doing that.  Be thankful we live in a fairly civilised country.  People around the world don’t have enough to eat.  Some are living in war zones, others are drinking sewage water exposing themselves to serious health issues.  Look around you at things you have which money can't buy.  That's what makes you truly rich.  And, as my mother would say “there are people a lot worse off than yourself.”

Please pop over to my good friend Evy's blog, where she talks about her hopes and dreams for her two beautiful girls. Click here

My Love My Life 4/12 - Growing

Daisy often asks me when will she grow bigger.  I think it's a question a lot of parents just don't want to hear because we want to keep them just as they are.  Although, I do like choosing new outfits and shoes when the old ones no longer fit.  Daisy has started to take an interest in clothes lately.  She picked a pair of floral Dr Martin style boots she wanted and recently there's been talk of wanting Lelli Kelly shoes.  It's the first time I've known her to refer to a particular brand.  She really is growing up!

When the growing question comes up, I think back to when she was a baby.  Seems so long ago, I wish I could have those moments back just for a day.  I have a few regrets about back then.  When people came to visit, I found myself in the kitchen cooking, doing washing or loading the dishwasher.  I wish I didn't feel like that's what I was supposed to do.  I missed out on precious moments in time doing housework, things that didn't really matter.  So when she asks me that question I try to block out all those bad feelings.  Instead I smile and say, you know what, you have to eat your vegetables if you want to grow bigger.  Then my little darling looks back at me with those big blue sparkling eyes and a face that could turn milk sour and says, "I don't like vegetables, they're YUK".

The truth is, we grow each day, our children grow physically and mentally.  We grow as people, in our jobs and hobbies; all at our own unique pace.  Some people coast along never really doing anything interesting while others live life in the fast lane.  You don't have to settle for second best in life.  If your college or university course is not what you expected you can change it.  The same goes for your job, house, car or relationship.  You have the power to grow and change the course of your destiny.  No one will do it for you. But proceed with caution; sometimes it's us that need to change, to grow, to grow up even.

I'm hoping in the next few years to grow my hobby as a photographer.  When I look at the pictures I took a few years back, I cringe.  I don't think I'm where I want to be but I'm glad I'm not where I used to be. 

This month I'm linking to Sarah Ferry, who practically lives on my doorstep, well in the same town anyway.  Be sure to check out her blog about growing, which has some lovely pictures taken and edited by her daughter when they were on a Mum and Daughter photojolly.

My Love My Life 3/12 - Family Life

My perception of the ideal family life would be like the ones portrayed in the movies.  Lots of immaculately dressed relatives warming themselves on an open fire. Picture perfect surroundings.  You can see it now can you, but lets face it who has that.

I grew up in a similar setting that Daisy will soon become accustomed to.  My mum and dad's relationship didn't work out.  My dad wasn't committed to family life with my mother and sadly my husband wasn't either.  I expected that I would have a long marriage but maybe I wasn’t cut out for happy relationships.  I didn’t exactly have many role models and my perception as a youngster from the ones I did have was of the woman telling the man what to do and him doing it.  Maybe I was just with the wrong person.  However, I would say that it's particularly difficult to know you are with the wrong person, when they act like the right one in your company.

I’ve mentioned before that my mum brought my brother and I up on her own, which is hard work physically.  As a single mum it must have been difficult to support us financially when there is usually two parents contributing.  I thought we did ok, my brother and I had our own bedrooms.  He had all the latest computer games and boys toys.  I went shopping most Saturday's with my mum for new clothes.  We had plenty to eat, our cupboards were always full because my mum put us first as you would expect.  We were not a wealthy family but that wasn't uncommon where I grew up.  Most of the children in the neighbourhood were the same.  As kids, my brother and I spent a lot of time with my mum’s sisters girls.  Weekends spent at our grandparent’s house were good.  They had a big house, bigger than the houses my cousins and I lived in.  The kitchen operated like an unpaid café.  All the naughty stuff like crisps, ice-cream and coca cola were in constant supply.  We played in the attic, it was floored,  had a big hatch and when dropped a set of stairs came down.  We each had our own part of the attic, our own little sectioned off spaces.  We photocopied money and bought the loft junk from each other.  It was a real imaginary land.  I think I spent the most time at my Grandparents house, usually because I was off sick and that, is why I was the wealthiest with the pretend money as I photocopied more when I was there on my own!  As a family we used to have the big Christmas with everyone around the table at my grandparents house.  When we got older, the invitation was extended to partners and they were squeezed in too.  I never thought the day would come where those Christmas celebrations would end.  As I got into my mid twenties my Granda wasn't himself, he'd suffered a mini stroke and my grandparents sold up and moved into a 2-bedroom ground floor flat, with a small kitchen.  Nobody had a house big enough to accommodate all of us anymore and I missed it.  As I was the first to settle down and get married, I hoped in the near future I would be the one with the big house and the big family celebrations could continue once again.  I imagined my nieces and nephews all running about together like I did with own my cousins.  My childhood was mostly happy but I dreamt of a different lifestyle for when I was older.  I would've liked the big house with lots of open space.  It would have a large kitchen/diner for entertaining and as silly as it sounds I always wanted a Belfast sink!  The kitchen would open onto a perfectly kept mature garden with fruit trees and fragrant plants.  I saw myself having twin girls and a couple of big guard dogs, but that's a bit of a fairytale.  

This week we've seen the press cover the breakup of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin.  From the outside one would assume they had it all, but I guess like a lot of couples, we're never truly happy with our lot.  Like them, I'm also from a generation where it's easy to throw in the towel when things don't go to plan, but that isn't my way.  Daisy can be a handful to deal with at times and I've spend this Mother's Day questioning whether I'm actually a good mum.  Family life, does it ever turn out how we imagined it?  I didn’t know how my life would unravel but I can tell you this.  I didn't expect to be bringing up my IVF baby on my own.  What I ended up with is not what I would've liked in an ideal world, but who has the ideal.  All I can do now is try to keep myself as well as I possibly can for as long as I can.  Then hopefully Daisy and I can work towards our own happily ever after.  

We didn't get to spend the day with my mum because she works at weekends so she can help me out during the week.  This was the Mother's Day gift I got for her, a custom designed photo box containing mounted prints with my favourite photos of Daisy.  She loves it.

Be sure to pop over to Annie's blog about Family Life.  She has written a beautiful story about being a Mother and the sadness she feels living without hers.

My Love My Life 2/12 - Energy

I joined this new project last month called My Love My Life.  It's a new blogging cirle with some Professional photographers, who often so busy with work they never get around to capturing family photos of their own.  Probably a reason they started out in Photography in the first place.  I'm a bit like the odd one out because all I do is document Daisy's life.  They invited me in after the Letter's to my Daughter circle dried up. It's a similar thing really, just different branding.  The idea is that once a month they take time out with their family and rekindle the love that got them into Photography.

It's not often I get to spend the weekend with my daughter so when the opportunity presented itself, I grabbed it with both hands.  Had this unusually free weekend landed weeks earlier, I'm not sure how much fun we would've had because I haven't been feeling that great recently.  My doctor has been very concerned about my health and said I’ve taken a dramatic nosedive, which for him was just too rapid a decline for CF and he needed to get to the source of the problem and fast.  We discussed various pressing issues I’m dealing with and my voice wobbled.  I tried to hold it together, but as the questions were fired at me I cried, he knows if I cry I’m not coping.  I sighed and gave an absolute belter of an analogy that I literally just made up.  I told the Prof it’s a bit like having a dead body in the house, you can hide it in a room but the smell is still there.  They all burst out laughing, it was one of those appointments where the room was full of people, Dr, Student, Nurse all in attendance, another reason why I don’t want to cry.  I worry about scaring the students with my overly dramatic "Jeremy Kyle style" part of my life, that's outwith my control. Afterwards the nurse said “this is real life and they need to learn that”.  Anyway, the doctor said he is going to start using my analogy and after knowing him fourteen years, I believe him.    I didn’t realise how funny it all sounded.  He decided to put me on a short course of steroids, which I was a little weary of at first.  I trust him completely though and by the time the valentine holiday weekend was here, I was one week into the course and had super human mummy powers!  No wonder some athletes scoff steroids, I was absolutely buzzing with energy.

No school Friday, Monday and Tuesday, so plenty time for lots of fun activities with my favourite little person.  Our first adventure of the weekend was a trip to Stonehaven, which is a lovely coastal village fifteen miles south of where we stay in Aberdeen.  It was a fairly mild day but snow was forecast for 3pm so we needed to get out and back at a reasonable hour just in case the weather turned nasty.  Stonehaven or Stoney to locals, is picture perfect.  It's a place I used to go as a kid in the summertime, back then they had a lot more facilities for kids.  It’s a shame how they don’t preserve certain attractions.  Saying that, the old outdoor swimming pool is still going strong.  Just about everyone has been in it once and lived to tell the tale and I'm hoping to take Daisy one day as a right of passage really, but she needs to get some meat on her bones first because it will no doubt be freezing.  We were wrapped up warm and I wished I'd put some extra socks on my little friend, I forgot and felt a little guilty.  Mind you it didn't stop the enjoyment of a walk in the fresh sea air.  We collected driftwood for Nanny and some seashells.  Poppy our dog was in her element digging and collecting stones for herself; a trait she has had since she was a puppy.  We walked up to the harbour and spoke to a couple of men who were fishing, Daisy was desperate to see a fish and I told her we would go fishing one day.  I said I’m sure that’s something Granda might like to come along to.  We then had a bite to eat in a place called The Ship Inn, which is always a pleasure.  Before heading home I popped into a traditional sweet shop and picked us up some yummy sweets for in the car on the way home.  That was our Valentine’s Day.  Nothing beats spending time with the people that mean the most to you.

The next day we were up and out early because we were going Horse Riding!  Since getting her beloved Rocking Horse for Christmas Daisy has been desperate to try a real horse.  We have a local riding centre so it was really easy to organise.  It was a chilly morning so I put Daisy’s ski suit on and she looked real cosy.  I was half expecting her to be afraid when we got to the riding centre, but she wasn’t.  While we were waiting we had a look around the stables and met some of the other horses.  Stanley was very friendly and he was huge.  The stable girls arrived with a medium sized black horse and said his name was Sam.  Daisy chatted the whole time to the girls that took her out riding.  They walked though the forest, jumped over fallen trees and told her about the magic tree deep in the forest and that when her horse Sam walked though it, she had to make a wish.  All very exciting as you can imagine for a four year old.  Afterwards we saw a horse with sore legs getting off his bandages and having cream applied to his wounds.  Daisy didn’t want to go home and asked if she could go on again.  I promised that we would go back another day.  She told me she didn’t want anyone else go on her horse Sam, he’s her horse.

The following day, we woke up to a bright spring morning, not the warmest of days but the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.  We threw the Radioflyer trike into the car and off we went; to the park.  I couldn’t believe how cold it was, our weather here is so tricky to call.  I quickly found myself trying to persuade Daisy to come to the cafe but almost wished I never.  I have no idea how mums out with children on their own manage to navigate their way around getting food, paying, finding tables and keeping control of the children.  It went a bit like this, I find a table, tell her to go sit at it, join the queue for food.  She starts messing about, she falls off the chair and onto the floor and suddenly you know everyone is thinking, “where is that child’s Mother”!? and I’m like, I’m here in the queue trying to get bloody food.  I feel so stressed because people are oblivious that I’m unable to coerce Daisy into staying beside me, order, pay, carry a bag and hold a tray of food while looking for somewhere to sit.  It’s physically impossible, my body can’t do it; a stark reminder of how my independence is compromised by my health.  It’s not Daisy’s fault, she’s still young and real free spirit but at times I just want to scream and say if you won’t behave we can’t go out alone.  I struggled on, if the queue wasn’t so long it would’ve certainly helped.  You live and learn.  I ordered Cola, Cake and Hot Chocolate, we waited an age for our hot food and thankfully I managed to engage Daisy with my new camera lens.  We had a blast.  She decided she was going to pull lots of different funny faces and we both giggled looking at them after each shot.

This month I am linking to Tracy of Tracy Williams Photgraphy, be sure to check out her blog.

My Love My Life 1/12 - Shady Characters

The "Letter's to my Daughter" blogging circle calmed down for a bit because the girls were busy with various things, but it seems with a little persuasion from Evy we have a few more girls on board and are starting a new project for 2014 called My Love My Life. I'm not a professional photographer but like them, I understand how life can just pass you by. It's important for me to take photo's of Daisy, not just for future generations to enjoy but for me to look back on with her.  I get warm fuzzy feelings from looking back on photos from the past.  It brings you back to that time in history all over again.  This month I will be linking to my good friend Evy, with her blog My Love My Life, without her I know I wouldn't be blogging like I am now.

My Miracle Flower,

It’s hard writing about trust from an adult perspective because by the time you get to adulthood you’ll probably have witnessed a lot of examples of people you thought you could trust but it turned out they were no good.  All you have to do is watch the news to see that even the most trusted looking people can turn out to be very shady characters indeed.  I must say that I take pride in the fact I am a, what you see is what you get type of person.  I used to think that because I was open and truthful, albeit causing offence at times, that everyone else was too; but that’s not the case.  It’s horrible to say but you need to be on your guard growing up, because some people are not what they seem, even if they make you feel like you could tell them anything.  I guess I’ve learnt the hard way, nothing bad has happened to me but I wished at times I listened to gut instincts with silly little things.  In life we are constantly learning and evolving.  

I was speaking to one of my old school friends on Facebook back in 2012 about someone coming to my house to try on something that I’d advertised for sale on ebay.  We were just casually talking about nothing in particular and I told him about this man that was coming to see the item I was selling, because he worked in the area and wanted to avoid postage costs.  Straight away my friend was warning me saying, what are you thinking having a strange man coming to the house when you are at home on your own.  It struck me that there I was, trusting this person that I’d never met to come into my home.  What if he was dangerous?  We joked, I said I’m sure it will be fine and he said, he could be Buffalo Bill!  It was at that point I started to panic and was catapulted into reality.  Just the thought of the film, The Silence of the Lambs brought chills to my spine.  The guy I went to school with had a theory of his own about trust and it was this, trust no one, think everyone is bad, (although he used a naughtier word) and that they have to prove themselves otherwise that they are not a “insert your own naughty word”, then you won’t be disappointed.  Seemed fairly straightforward.

I think growing up I always thought that if you were going to come to any harm it would be from someone grabbing you from the street and throwing you into a car.  Sometimes the kids in class would talk of a stranger hanging around the school gates offering sweets or it would be a man in a van asking you to go with them on the promise of seeing puppies.  Not a week went by when I was a youngster that I didn’t see the Charley say's advert on TV, which was a scary reminder of the crazy people that were out there.  When you are young it’s hard to analyse people for yourself and not all bad people are dressed in baddie clothes or look like baddies that you see in movies or on kids TV shows.  I recently watched this chilling experiment on daytime TV as a reminder of how normal these people can look.  In order to gain the trust of a child, you would really have to be nice and charming a give a good impression for them to feel like they could go with you.

It’s important not to scare our children about strangers because not all strangers are bad people.  In situations where our children are out and about in public I think it’s a good idea to let them know that they can always approach people in uniform like Police Officers and Community Wardens or staff in public buildings.  If we go to a community event I’m always telling Daisy that if we get separated, she should ask for help from event organisers, usually wearing fluorescent overalls or another Mummy.  In really busy places like airports and places we don't know very well, I just don't take the risk and still use her baby reins which were originally mine! Prevention is better that cure as they say.

I guess the thing to make them understand is don’t go away with anyone without first asking, even if you know them.

One from the archives since I haven't been out photographing recently.